Messy Page

A Poem

I’ve been writing some poems of late, they seem to be the only way I can write when in distress, unable to put myself into coherent words that form sentences and paragraphs. Alhamdulillah, it feels like things are now starting to ease up and I find myself yearning to write more in depth, to dive into something, to write more than a poem. There is nothing wrong with a poem, but for me, espeically in times of uncertainty and pain, they are the only thing I can write. Maybe my next post will be an essay, Inshallah.

Writing this poem brought me a lot of comfort. I don’t know why - but I can tell you this - often I find myself in overwhem, overstimulated, unable to actually release the things in my brain because it is so chaotic and I can’t make sense of it. This is my ADHD at its prime, but also the circumstances that have colored it into a bigger mess. I think this just helped me step away from everything and just recognize the chaos as chaos, rather than something being wrong with me.

this messy page

scattered

with my thoughts

emotions dabbed

in colorful hues


this messy page

my brain

so full of chaotic words

spashing

in paint

smacking against my skull

leaving imprints 

of their souls


this messy page

makes no sense

so many threads

connecting

a complex web

woven together


aches of too much

all at once

and this messy page

is close

to tearing apart.

thoughts

moments

words

ideas

smashing together,

crashing,

too much,

overdrive


this messy page

beautiful chaos

if only it would pause

for a moment

if only